I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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