saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
