I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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