i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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