You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
