Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
