Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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