I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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