He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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