So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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