I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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