After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
