I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
