I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
