no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
