Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
