can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Is it penis luge time yet?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
NoShamevember. You game?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
