I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
