So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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