i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
All I want is dick and wine.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
