how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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