please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
