i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize
