im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
