why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
