Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
