It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
