Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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