I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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