Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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