Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
