I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
