halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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