remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize