His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
