Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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