The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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