I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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