I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
