if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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