I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
