it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
