Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
