1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
