Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
