There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
and she was petting her beer can
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
