jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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