i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
please come you make the beer taste better
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
