well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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