Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
