i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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